Saturday 1 August 2020

Priyadharshini AR, Poetry 2020 Longlist

THECEASE

Iopenedmyheavyeyelidsandslowly coveredmyeyesfromthebindingsun- theevershiningsun.ForasecondI forgotwhyIwasthereinfirstcase. Then,mymemoryhitmeback.Isat backonthedeepshadowofthemaple tree,leaningonitsbark,hearingthe grasshoppersclickinginthedryair.I stareddownatthesmallvillageIlived fromthehillIstood.Foronce,thesmall raggedytownappearedtomeasasmall opportunity,asmallchance.IwishI musthavefallenasleepwhilstdebating whetherIshouldgothroughwithmy plan.

Itsuddenlycametomethatmylittle sisterjeni,usuallywouldhavecometo getmebynow.

Well!!

Istooduprelentlesslyandstartedthe longandtiringwalkbacktomyvillage.

Thestreetsweresilentasusual.Nota soultoseeortohear.Isaunteredupto myhome,preparingformycareless step-mothertoscreamatmeforbeing lateagain.It'snotlikesheevencared eversincemymotherdied.

Iopenedtheheavymetallicdoortosee mystep-momandfatherhugging.Arare occasion,whichoccursonlywhena familymemberdies.Iignoredboth,it's

probablymynanithinkingthedoctors aregoingtokillheragain.Iseithered pastmyparentstosneakupthestairs. Butsomethingstopsmeinmytracks. I'veseenmanyofmydad's"looks", happy,sadandtheoneIseethemost, angry.

Butthis,thislook,thisemptyglareIhad neverseenbefore.Nevereverseen before.Iaskedhimifhewasokaybut asusual,Ididn'tgetananswer.He choosedtolookstraightthroughme instead.Irolledmyeyesremembering whyIchosetoconstantlyrunaway.Run awaytoinfinity.Ifmygruesomeparents won'trespondmyquestion,Idon'tknow whowill!

Iturntothehallwherejeniisusually singingalongtoDoraemon.Thistimeit wasdifferent.Itwasasifourhallhad sunkindepression,adarkdepression.I sawsweetlittleinnocentjenikneeling nexttothesofa.

Iwalkedovertoaskherwhatwas happening.ButthecloserIgottothe sofa,themoreIfeltliketherewassome sortofspiritpresent.Iforcedmynow burdensomebodyovermysister...

AndthatiswhenIsawtheProblem.I becamenumbasIglareddownatthe body.

Mybody......

Istaggeredbackwards,stumblingasthe

memoriescameback,floodingallover mymind.Igrabbedmythroat,realising whatIhaddone!

Istaredovermysisterassheslowly closedhersadeyes.Myknees collapsedunderneathmeasjenisobbed.

Iranovertothewindowandlookedat thehillandthere,thereitwas....

THEROPE...

TheropeIkilledmyselfwith.

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