It is one of those days where I know nothing makes sense but my mind seems to have figured it all out. Maybe I have two minds - one that is and one that does. I think about the best version of myself I could be and I am joined by him and her and all those other people. I believe I have reached the furthest, I live that version in my mind, which is somehow capable of very realistic, three-dimensional projections of thoughts. Other people say they think in 3D too but they haven’t got my clarity.
“What utter nonsense you think!”, he exclaims in annoyance. I frown, I haven’t been thinking out loud. “You have heavy thoughts, with this sort of bass quality to them”. I stare at him. “I’m partial to soprano myself. More in tune with me. Less, you know, headachey”. Yes it’s time to go now. I abandon my bench and speed-walk away, plugging in my earphones. I can still hear him say - “Your thoughts aren’t clear. Just forceful”. I scowl privately and play the first song I can find to drown out the unsolicited reviews on the quality of my thoughts.
I am utterly, desperately lonely but I simply cannot bear your company. Whack the mole, come on now. But I find myself seeking you out because sometimes working up the feeling of wanting to gouge my eyes out seems like an acceptable hobby. Ugh, whack the damn mole! Especially when my to-do list is empty. I am not a liar. All of you laugh. The mole dodges the mallet. Pathetic. I am a liar sometimes, albeit my lies are less pleasanter than the truth. Ooh the mole is whacked. About time.
“Can you take a break?”, she begs. “Your thoughts are giving me vertigo”. I hand her some lemon lozenges. Chewing them will make her feel better. She is not convinced. Honestly, who is? We want more, ask for more (and end up with nothing). People around me blow up their brains with figurative guns. Happy thoughts evade me today. Got to whack that mole again. The cat picks up her kittens one by one, her jaws snapped shut on their scruffs. I watch with the rest of you, clawing the wall, waiting for my ‘pick-me-up’.
“Ughh!! That’s enough”, they all scream in unison. “Okay!”, I tell them. I’ll find a book to read.
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